You need to get a new friend...

Are they the high gloss finish or the matte finish?

Pictures would also help.

I always treat natural and painted finishes on drums like I would treat a car. I like McGuires products and usually use one of their polish products followed by one of their wax products. If there is a lot of gunk on the finish, I will use a damp cloth with gentile detergent to loosen the crud, being very careful to keep the moisture away from any exposed wood on the edges or holes.

The technique your friend suggested (using 0000 steel wool, not 000) is a proven technique used on new wood products finished with a polyurethane or similar. When used with furniture wax, it produces a very smooth, satin finish very pleasing to the eye and touch. I have used the technique effectively many times on projects I have constructed out of wood. Having said that, I would never use this technique on a drum. The finish on drums is usually a sprayed on lacquer and is likely very thin. 0000 steel wool is not very abrasive, but I still would not risk it. You would be better off heeding the advice of others on this forum, whose input you wisely sought! Thin shell’s recommendation seems quite sound.

Josh