As a marching band drummer for a very long time, try basic warm ups to check your tempo.
One I use a lot is the moving accent on 16 16ths. So you accent the 1, 2, 3 and 4 the first time around, then the "e" (second sixteenth), which switches you to the left hand accent, then the "and", which is back on the right hand, and finally the "a", or last sixteenth on the left hand again. Keep it looping (so you end up with a double accent on each loop) paying attention to both tempo and accent volume. The non accented notes should all be the same volume as well. Taping a yard stick to the side of your drum allows you to stroke each hand the same height. The instructor would come down the line with his hand on a stick with the end on the head. Our hands will be same height/volume.
And it is absolutely true slow is more difficult than fast. When I need 60 bpm or lower, I set the metronome at double time. So that's 120 for 60, 80 for 40 etc. that is a big help there.
Finally dancing. I can't dance but if I'm playing low tempo, I lay back and really feel it. If it's not coming from deep inside it will sound like a drum machine. My head is bobbing and I might get seriously rocking on the throne. Sync body motion with the bass player and you will be an immovable rhythmic force!
PS: listen to Keith Carlock. Also a former drum corps drummer, wicked feel. He can play one note and have it swinging.