So I'm at my weekly jazz gig (acoustic piano trio)...but the regular acoustic bass player was in Portugal at the jazz festival in Lisbon, so I called another guy to come in and he plays electric bass. And I mean this guy is burning! He doesn't overplay. He plays low, funky notes and always comes up with a cool pattern to play...etc.
In the audience is another bass player -everyone knows him and he's always running his mouth because he's usually been drinking (too much)...you know the type. Anyway, we take a break and he comes up and starts yacking to the pianist about how he wants to sit in on a couple of tunes. Then he goes to the bass player who I hired and starts yacking to him. The LAST person he approaches is me because I have the tendency to flat-out refuse to allow people to sit in and he knows it. But....the drunk guy is a friend of the piano player and blah, blah, blah. Okay, let him sit in on a couple tunes.
As he's getting ready to play, he starts talking about how he just played a gig with "so and so" and he is going into the studio to record with "so and so"....He puts on the bass and starts raking his fingers across the strings, goofing around and just being annoying. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting there saying nothing and waiting for him to get settled.
We call a tune and he starts playing...It's all over the place. His time is shot. His technique is nowhere. He's too loud. when his solo comes up, he wants to play extra choruses. It was a nightmare.
Then when it was finally all over and it was the end of the night, we are waiting to get our checks and the drunk bass player guy is still there talking crap to anyone who will listen. I'm trying to avoid him, but he comes up to me and says thanks for allowing him to sit in. Then, almost automatically without a hitch, I say, "You know, man, I don't know how anyone can come in and hear a bass player like (the sub I hired) and even want to sit in and play. If I were a bass player, I'd just want to sit and listen." He just stood there, dumbfounded. Then he apologized. At least that was good. I kinda felt bad, but it was more that I was ashamed of him being a musician and acting like a drunk on my gig. I don't expect to see him for a long, long time.
I never go to anyone's gigs and walk in twirling my drum sticks. Even when people ask me to sit in, I usually say no thank you. Sometimes, I just want to make the scene and listen from the back of the room.
Why is it that the people who tell everyone that they can play, usually can't?
And why do drunk people want to even attempt to play music? Alcohol is well known to impair motor skills. So how is it illegal to drive a car when drunk but it's okay to drive a band? (I ask rhetorically because I know that alcohol impairs people's judgement.)
Lesson to all: If you've been drinking and you see a band and start to think that it would be fun to sit in....then you're too drunk. Call a taxi.
The Band
